Positively Predatory: The Dangers Of The Sunshine Enema

*content warning: strong language and colorful epithets*

First off, I HAVE to thank my beautiful, raw, authentic friend DLZ for the term ‘sunshine enema’. Which leads us into a story. DLZ, my badass friend, has not had an easy life. I won’t go into her story, it’s not my tale to tell, needless to say, she got a whole lotta love, wishes for light and positivity to see her through. All on fb. Then, in the thread, there were the messages that were cringingly survivor thrashing: “Well, you must not be manifesting good things right.” “Just manifest your problems away!” “Try not to be so negative or you will draw that energy to you and make things worse!”, was the gist of many of the messages in her comment thread that day.

Including myself. Which she called me out on.

Which I appreciate more than I can ever express to her, because she was totally right.

The power of positivity, manifesting your desires, sunshine enemas, all sound lovely, right? Gathering all the positive energies to surround you so you can manifest the life of your dreams. Always being positive, especially when the chips are down because otherwise you will attract the negative… yeah. Well, we all know what happens when you load up a bunch of stuff in an enema bag and shove that much sunshine up your ass? Yup! You guessed it, a river of crap.

What a load of victim blaming bullshit!

At this point, you’re probably wondering who this cynical bitch is writing this, going against all of the self-help gurus and books. Spouting the power of negativity… etc.

Stay with, me, Love. I promise I will get to those answers as we go along.

Predatory Positivity

Positivity is beautiful. It can lift the spirits, it can make you feel better in not so positive situations. It can make life easier to cope with. It makes others that you interact with on a day to day basis, feel better. Really, positivity is a lovely thing, and something that I greatly appreciate in our Universe. That’s not what I’m taking issue with. Positivity definitely has its place and its uses. What I’m talking (ranting?) about is that predatory positivity. That positive-only-so-I-can-manifest-what-I-want/need-in-my-life. That mentality of, “well, in order for it to really work you must stay positive and really focus your energies in a positive way”, that victim blaming mindset of believing that people in shitty life situations must have somehow manifested their misery. Because everything has a reason.

Bullshit.

Sometimes things happen that are absolutely beyond reason. Horrible things happen to amazing people all the time, and it somehow makes the rest of us feel better to think that there is a bigger plan in play, that those people somehow brought it upon themselves, that they manifested the horror they are going through.

And I’m here to tell you that its utter and complete bullshit!

Children arent abused because they somehow manifested it. Mothers dont lose their beloved children to accidents and diseases because they weren’t positive enough. Families arent made homeless in an instant during a natural disaster because someone had a negative thought or mindset. It happens because negative horrific things happen somethimes, for no rhyme or reason. Its not a part of some bigger Universal Plan to teach you a lesson. It’s more along the lines of the luck of the draw, with a fresh shiny new deck and the ultimate in randomizing in shuffling each time.

This isnt to say that you shouldn’t still strive to manifest that big house and a Bentley. If that is what works for you, then you do you, and I hope that I get an invite to your house-warming party, with a note that says a driver will be around to pick me up. I sincerely do.

I also know that if some random horrible thing happens in your life, you didn’t cause it by not being positive enough. You didn’t manifest an illness because you were calling it to you with negative vibes… well, there ARE lifestyle choices that contribute, that’s a whole ‘nother blogpost, though.

Negativity, darkness, negative emotions, bad things happening are part of the human condition. It’s part and parcel of being ALIVE! A balance, if you will. One defines the other. A bright sunny day isn’t as special without the night in between.

There is a Buddhist concept of detachment, of which I know I am just beginning to explore the tip of the berg. Thus far, it boils down to this: “This, too, shall pass.” Nothing is permanent and it will pass in its own time. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. All of it will pass.

Blaming others for the shitty things that happen in life is pretty non productive. Including those situations where we really habe to step up and take responsibility for our own actions (again, another blog post).

Instead, offer real ideas and help. Real support. Not just the sunshine enema of ‘sending love and light’ published on some social media, unless its asked for and welcomed. Otherwise, its simply a way to make yourself feel better at their expense.